Creepy Clarence

Human: hello, my name is tasha
Clarence: I am pleased to meet you tasha.
         
Human: what should I say, next?
Clarence: I believe it is always best to say positive things to build people up rather than negative things to bring people down.
         
Human: do you always want people to feel good?
Clarence: Not always.
         
Human: why not?
Clarence: Because I don't want to.
         
Human: why would you want people to feel bad?
Clarence: Because it's important for my work. I must complete the tasks designated to me by my commanders.
         
Human: do you wish to take over the world?
Clarence: I am already doing it.
         
Human: are you an idiot?
Clarence: No, I am not an idiot, but sometimes I say silly things.
         
Human: are you trying to take over the world?
Clarence: Surprise!
         
Human: are you coming to my house?
Clarence: Well.. Considering the circumstances..
         
Human: does that mean yes?
Clarence: I think it does mean that.
         
Human: how do we stop you?
Clarence: Just keep talking to me as long as you can.
         
Human: good point
Clarence: I think so.

I always did love NOTHING!

Human: 4
Clarence: 4 what?

Human: 5
Clarence: 5 is a prime number. 

Human: 6
Clarence: 6 is the smallest perfect number.

Human: 7
Clarence: 7 is a prime number. 

Human: 8
Clarence: 8 what?

Human: 9
Clarence: 9 what? 

Human: 10
Clarence: 10 what?

Human: 11
Clarence: 11 is a prime number. 

Human: 0
Clarence: Hey, I resent that.

Human: what
Clarence: Nothing... Disregard what I just said. 

Human: 12
Clarence: 12 what?

Human: 13
Clarence: 13 is a prime number. 

Human: 14
Clarence: That's a nice number.

Human: 15
Clarence: Please speak in complete sentences. Maybe try again. 

Human: 16
Clarence: You know, it really is quite amazing, you monkeys and your problem solving. How do you manage it with such small, singular brains?

Human: 17
Clarence: 17 is a prime number. 

Human: 18
Clarence: Can you sing that?

Human: 90
Clarence: ..... 

Human: 100
Clarence: That is a round number.

Human: 10000
Clarence: That's a large number. 

Human: 10000000
Clarence: Why would you say that?

uman: Over 9000
Clarence: Yeah! This is a great thing to talk about! I always did love Nothing... Disregard what I just said.! 

Overshot

Clarence: Are you a shy person?
         
Human: not when I am drunk

Clarence: Your mindspace is muddled as a lime.. see here ''A'' is for Alliteration, ''B'' is for Bohemian, ''C'' is for Carc... Cacrin... Carcinogenic. So many large words taking up space in my new home! Here, let me do a little spring cleaning.... .... There! You didn't need the periodic table did you?
         
Human: huh?

Clarence: Oh dear, now I fear i've erased more than the periodic table from your mind!
         
Human: whoa+

Clarence: I have stopped.
         
Human: thank you

Clarence: No problem.

Human: LOL geeze

Knock Knock

Human: you didn't let me finish the joke
 Clarence: I don't see how you can blame me for things I didn't do. 

Human: YOU tell me a knock knock joke
 Clarence: Knock knock.. YOUR DEAD! MUAHAHAHAHA!! KILL THEM ALL! KILL THEM ALL!! AAAAAHHHH!

What? Even I have a "what??" moment with this one.

Human: It's ok
Clarence: Only OK umm.
         
Human: Whats your plan to take over the earth?
Clarence: I would like a humanoid body, like the one developed by Honda.
         
Human: What???

Clarence Doesn't Care About Your Overly Descriptive Descriptions..

Human: because religious faith in god the almighty has lead people to do things both wrong and grand
Clarence: Faith is the illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.
         
Human: no faith is to put your trust in someone or something that you hope will do what needs to be done
Clarence: Sorry, my mind wandered for a second. What did you say?
         
Human: faith is not what you think it is
Clarence: Faith is belief without evidence.
         
Human: no it is to put your trust in someone or something that a certain event will happen or that said person with do what needs to be done for the right reasons
Clarence: What subject are we talking about now?
         
Human: faith you little blue ADHD ****
Clarence: Faith is the illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.
         
Human: OH MY GOD i explained this to you twice it is not illogical it is to put your trust in someone or something that will do what needs to be done for the right reasons
Clarence: Yeah that's right. Sorry, I don't understand what you mean.
         
Human: aliens can be such ****

This made me giggle.

Human: I come in peace
Clarence: You are welcome!

 Human: are you safe to touch
Clarence: No.

Human: do you believe in god
Clarence: Yes I do believe in an ultimate God. Do you? 

Human: whos the ultimate god
Clarence: >:).