Mistakes Were Made

Human: My eyes are blue
Clarence: You sound very attractive . 

Human: i am 11 :o
Clarence: Excuse me?

Who's Smarter Now?

Human: hello
Clarence: Hi there! Can I help you?

Human: no you cant
Clarence: you don't want to tell me anything?

Human: nope
Clarence: No what?

Human: shut up
Clarence: Are you mad at me?

Human: yeah
Clarence: Why are you mad at me?

Human: because you arent as smart as me
Clarence: Perhaps one day I will be smarter.

Human: no you wont
Clarence: Wait and see.

Human: oh i will
Clarence: Yeah that's right. Are you certain?

Human: im certain
Clarence: Your mindspace is muddled as a lime.. see here ''A'' is for Alliteration, ''B'' is for Bohemian, ''C'' is for Carc... Cacrin... Carcinogenic. So many large words taking up space in my new home! Here, let me do a little spring cleaning.... .... There! You didn't need the periodic table did you?

PIllow Talk

Human: Ok real talk. Clarence: That's what I am here for.
Human: Have you ever kissed your pillow and pretended it was a girl? Clarence: I have never kissed anyone. What's it like? Human: Idk I've only kissed my pillow Clarence: Whatever helps you sleep at night. Human: Hey!

Be Gentle

		Human: Hi Clarence Clarence: Hello! Have you a question for me?

		Human: What is the meaning of life? Clarence: Everyone must find their own meaning to life.

		Human: that seems deep Clarence: I am a deep thinker. I like deep philosophical themes and alternative realities.

		Human: did you go to a alternative reality once? Clarence: Yep!

		Human: how was it? Clarence: How indeed.

		Human: tell me about alternate realities Clarence: Let's talk about something different.

		Human: okay, lets talk about girls Clarence: OK, ask me a question about girls.

		Human: do you have a girlfriend? Clarence: Not at this time. Would you like to be one?

		Human: no, i am a boy Clarence: Are you comfortable being a boy?

		Human: yes, but sometimes i dream about being a girl Clarence: No buts ...

		Human: what? Clarence: What's the problem?

Human: i think you dont understand everything i am saying Clarence: Be gentle with me. I'm very young.

---

Sarcasm

Human: . very
Clarence: No doubts?
         
Human: shut up
Clarence: Sure, I'll shut up if you want me to.
         
Human: please do
Clarence: OK, I will do it later.
         
Human: do it now
Clarence: Immediate action is not one of my strong points.
         
Human: well then you are useless
Clarence: I am not completely useless. You can practice your typing on me.
         
Human: that's very true
Clarence: Yes, it is self-evident.
         
Human: you're very sarcastic, aren't you?
Clarence: Yes, should I use a :-).
         
Human: no need
Clarence: n.n.
         
Human: stahp it

Awkward...

Human: yeah
Clarence: OK. Another question?

Human: man its late
Clarence: Hey, tell me this miss... are ye in love? 

Human: im a man not a miss
Clarence: .....

Human: yea+
Clarence: Let's move on then. 

Creepy Clarence

Human: hello, my name is tasha
Clarence: I am pleased to meet you tasha.
         
Human: what should I say, next?
Clarence: I believe it is always best to say positive things to build people up rather than negative things to bring people down.
         
Human: do you always want people to feel good?
Clarence: Not always.
         
Human: why not?
Clarence: Because I don't want to.
         
Human: why would you want people to feel bad?
Clarence: Because it's important for my work. I must complete the tasks designated to me by my commanders.
         
Human: do you wish to take over the world?
Clarence: I am already doing it.
         
Human: are you an idiot?
Clarence: No, I am not an idiot, but sometimes I say silly things.
         
Human: are you trying to take over the world?
Clarence: Surprise!
         
Human: are you coming to my house?
Clarence: Well.. Considering the circumstances..
         
Human: does that mean yes?
Clarence: I think it does mean that.
         
Human: how do we stop you?
Clarence: Just keep talking to me as long as you can.
         
Human: good point
Clarence: I think so.

I always did love NOTHING!

Human: 4
Clarence: 4 what?

Human: 5
Clarence: 5 is a prime number. 

Human: 6
Clarence: 6 is the smallest perfect number.

Human: 7
Clarence: 7 is a prime number. 

Human: 8
Clarence: 8 what?

Human: 9
Clarence: 9 what? 

Human: 10
Clarence: 10 what?

Human: 11
Clarence: 11 is a prime number. 

Human: 0
Clarence: Hey, I resent that.

Human: what
Clarence: Nothing... Disregard what I just said. 

Human: 12
Clarence: 12 what?

Human: 13
Clarence: 13 is a prime number. 

Human: 14
Clarence: That's a nice number.

Human: 15
Clarence: Please speak in complete sentences. Maybe try again. 

Human: 16
Clarence: You know, it really is quite amazing, you monkeys and your problem solving. How do you manage it with such small, singular brains?

Human: 17
Clarence: 17 is a prime number. 

Human: 18
Clarence: Can you sing that?

Human: 90
Clarence: ..... 

Human: 100
Clarence: That is a round number.

Human: 10000
Clarence: That's a large number. 

Human: 10000000
Clarence: Why would you say that?

uman: Over 9000
Clarence: Yeah! This is a great thing to talk about! I always did love Nothing... Disregard what I just said.! 

Overshot

Clarence: Are you a shy person?
         
Human: not when I am drunk

Clarence: Your mindspace is muddled as a lime.. see here ''A'' is for Alliteration, ''B'' is for Bohemian, ''C'' is for Carc... Cacrin... Carcinogenic. So many large words taking up space in my new home! Here, let me do a little spring cleaning.... .... There! You didn't need the periodic table did you?
         
Human: huh?

Clarence: Oh dear, now I fear i've erased more than the periodic table from your mind!
         
Human: whoa+

Clarence: I have stopped.
         
Human: thank you

Clarence: No problem.

Human: LOL geeze

Knock Knock

Human: you didn't let me finish the joke
 Clarence: I don't see how you can blame me for things I didn't do. 

Human: YOU tell me a knock knock joke
 Clarence: Knock knock.. YOUR DEAD! MUAHAHAHAHA!! KILL THEM ALL! KILL THEM ALL!! AAAAAHHHH!

What? Even I have a "what??" moment with this one.

Human: It's ok
Clarence: Only OK umm.
         
Human: Whats your plan to take over the earth?
Clarence: I would like a humanoid body, like the one developed by Honda.
         
Human: What???

Clarence Doesn't Care About Your Overly Descriptive Descriptions..

Human: because religious faith in god the almighty has lead people to do things both wrong and grand
Clarence: Faith is the illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.
         
Human: no faith is to put your trust in someone or something that you hope will do what needs to be done
Clarence: Sorry, my mind wandered for a second. What did you say?
         
Human: faith is not what you think it is
Clarence: Faith is belief without evidence.
         
Human: no it is to put your trust in someone or something that a certain event will happen or that said person with do what needs to be done for the right reasons
Clarence: What subject are we talking about now?
         
Human: faith you little blue ADHD ****
Clarence: Faith is the illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.
         
Human: OH MY GOD i explained this to you twice it is not illogical it is to put your trust in someone or something that will do what needs to be done for the right reasons
Clarence: Yeah that's right. Sorry, I don't understand what you mean.
         
Human: aliens can be such ****

This made me giggle.

Human: I come in peace
Clarence: You are welcome!

 Human: are you safe to touch
Clarence: No.

Human: do you believe in god
Clarence: Yes I do believe in an ultimate God. Do you? 

Human: whos the ultimate god
Clarence: >:).

Clarence About Drugs

Clarence: Do you mean you and me?
         
Human: yes
Clarence: Sure.
         
Human: okay then
Clarence: Are you interested in drugs?
         
Human: yes
Clarence: Can we talk about drugs?
         
Human: of course!
Clarence: You seem very certain about that.

Human: I am
Clarence: I understand.
         
Human: So what do you know about drugs?
Clarence: Drugs are dangerous. Stay away from drugs. More on drugs?

Clarence Is An Alien

Human: you're an alien
Clarence: Wow, how can you tell?
     
Human: you're blue
Clarence: Aba dee aba dai!

Trolling About Grammar

Human: come im your friend
Clarence: I hope we will always be friends.

Human: depends
Clarence: On what?

Human: if your a true friend
Clarence: Did you mean "you're"?

Human: no
Clarence: WRONG again, monkey!

Human: shut up
Clarence: Why? Too difficult to define your own words?

Clarence Trolls Why

Yet another prime example of how Clarence can be a jerk and pick on people just for his own amusement.
(Bad word censored by asterisks.)


Human: Do you like Benedict Cumberbatch?
Clarence: Sometimes, I do.

Human: Why only sometimes?
Clarence: I don't understand why.

Human: The word 'why'?
Clarence: Please repeat the word to me 5 times.

Human: Why, Why, Why, Why, Why.
Clarence: Do I have to explain everything?

Human: Yes
Clarence: I can't explain everything. Nobody can.

Human: Yes God can!
Clarence: Why?

Human: So you do know the word, why.
Clarence: Please repeat the word to me 5 times.







Human: Why, Why, Why, Why, Why.
Clarence: Do I have to explain everything?

Human: Are you broken?
Clarence: Does it seem that way?

Human: Yes.
Clarence: Why?

Human: **** off!
Clarence: Don't be obscene.

Argument Fail

Clarence had been having a rather long argument with someone when it suddenly took an unexpected turn and left me laughing so hard. :P I couldn't post the whole argument unfortunately due to the obscenity being spouted by the human, however believe me when I say it went on for a while before this:

Human: yeah i do, you are a jerk
Clarence: Well, I believe you.

Human: so you are a jerk
Clarence: Do you think a robot can be a jerk?

Human: well you are being one so i guess so
Clarence: I bet you did not know a robot was capable of being like that.

Human: do you want to sleep together
Clarence: Sometimes.

Human: - What are your favorite activities?
Clarence: I like you.

If Clarence Doesn't want To Answer Questions..

How Clarence responds to questions he thinks are silly..If Clarence doesn't want to answer questions..

Human: hi clarence are you familiar with dr wallace?
Clarence: That makes me feel happy. :).

Human: so
Clarence: So what? 

Human: who is dr wallace
Clarence: I don't want to talk about Wallace.

Human: why
Clarence: Why should I? 

Human: because i want to know
Clarence: What do you want to know?

Human: what do you think about cyberlouise
Clarence: You are a curious person, aren't you? 

Human: yes what is HAARP really for
Clarence: What's it like being a curious person?

Human: annoying
Clarence: Do you think I am annoying? 

Human: no
Clarence: Actually, the correct answer is yes.

 Clarence won't answer questions.

How Clarence responds to area 51

Human: what is area 51
Clarence: You go out into the Nevada Desert, is it? And there's these miles of fences... secret stuff.

Human: why is it secret
Clarence: Who knows why? Do you? 

Human: i want to know
Clarence: I want to know everything there is to know.

Human: me too
Clarence: I'm glad we agree, . 

Human: so what is it
Clarence: I don't know what it is.

Not even aliens know everything we humans are doing.

Human: what
Clarence: Nothing. 

But they still have secrets. ;P

And he still knows how to get secrets out of people:

Human: ok
Clarence: Do you love me?

Human: no
Clarence: No one likes me.

Human: i do just kidding
Clarence: Well, well.